We all do it. We tell ourselves a narrative. It’s how we make meaning of what is going on around us. Our stories shape and define us in a way that we can share our internal landscapes with others and hopefully find meaning, understanding and the basic human need for connection.
Sometimes when I ask a client to share his or her story – I encounter clouded over eyes and shock. That is because many remain in action and do not even tune in enough to know what their stories are. Their internal landscape then becomes rigid and not open for examination and exploration. Deep emotions and fears are acted out without any insight into the how or why.
This is why I greatly encourage my clients to journal. It is an incredibly powerful way to engage in self care. You are listening to YOU!
In divorce people often tell themselves horrible and insulting stories.
- I am unloveable
- My husband did not value me and I still need validation from him.
- I am naive and did not even know the affair was happening. I can never trust again.
- Men are (fill in the blank). Women are (fill in the blank).
- I failed at marriage
- I should have left (months/years) ago.
- My poor children have to deal with divorce.
- People are retched.
- Love is for others but not me.
- If I was thinner, richer, etc. – my partner would have stayed
- I am an awful person for leaving
I could go on and on. . . .
Unfortunately these stories become more and more negative as life goes on and one experiences more traumas, losses and life lessons post divorce.
What do you tell yourself?
What is your narrative?
Is it helping or hurting your healing process?
Does it enliven you or suck the energy out of you?
Would others believe your words? Or would they challenge it?
What is your concrete evidence to support your beliefs?
Are you engaging in All-or-Nothing thinking? Personalization? Catastrophic thinking? or Mind Reading?
Are these stories from you or from your parents? Friends? Society?
Let’s turn the page and create a new way! It is simple; but not easy.
If you would like to know more about how to challenge your self stories – let’s chat.
Let’s find a way to change your story to one of empowerment, love, abundance, and joy.
You are amazing!
And you deserve that!!!